I'll never be the same.
I know, cheesy, but really. 2014 brought some of the hardest moments I have ever experienced.
In January, when I sat in Relief Society with my mom, we sang, "I believe in Christ" This part stood out to me:
I hadn't picked my 2014 theme yet.
Side note: I started choosing a yearly theme in 2013. 2013's theme was "Come what may and love it" which proved also to be extremely fitting.
Back to Relief Society. I hadn't picked a new theme yet and I was hesitant to let go of the one I had come to love from the year before. This line, however, brought tears to my eyes. I was preparing to leave my family and it was becoming more and more real. The idea that since I believe in Christ, I can handle whatever comes seemed perfect. And, it fit hand in hand with my previous theme. 2013 I learned to be happy. 2014 I was choosing to exercise faith.
By the time I left on January 29th, I thought that the trials of the past year, of health struggles especially, were over. I thought that I would be relying on the Savior to help me get through slammed doors and companion struggles and that was pretty much it. I was so wrong. As the days progressed, I realized that this theme was going to help me through more, sure it helped through slammed doors, but it helped through homesickness, through scary days at Duke, through having my heartbroken over someone I just met not being able to be baptized, through biking through cold and rain and up hills, through intense conversations and lessons, through more scary days at Duke, through ending my mission early, through being home and then through returning, through transfers and more doctors visits.
But hey, I made it. Because I believe in Christ, so come what may.
Please don't read all of those "throughs" as depressing. My year was incredible. Honestly and truly.
I relied on my Savior and I grew. I grew and changed and I honestly couldn't be happier. I met incredible people, I relied on their strength, I made memories and more memories. I developed a relationship with the Holy Ghost. I felt my Heavenly Fathers love. I learned the importance of covenants, especially Baptism and taking the Sacrament. I felt the power of the Priesthood. I learned to pray, really pray. I witnessed miracle after miracle, just like the ones I read about in the scriptures. My testimony of the restored gospel was strengthened and deepened to a new level. I have learned about the enabling power of the Atonement, as well as the redemptive power. I have found peace during conflict and faith during times of fear. I have seen God's hand in my life, over and over. My belief that there is a bigger plan for us has been proven time and time again (as well as my belief that God has a sense of humor). I have learned new uses for paper airplanes, pepper and dish soap and plastic cups. I have laughed and laughed. I have felt the Spirit work through me, and honestly, that is one of the best feelings in the world. I get to be a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and a representative of Jesus Christ. I have learned and grown and smiled and cried until I was completely exhausted, and then I found strength in my Savior and kept going. I am truly grateful for 2104.
I am also really excited for 2015. Seeing how fitting the last two years themes have been, this one makes me really happy. I have prayed and pondered and then chalked it:
My hopes for 2015 include more joy in the service of my Savior, not just as a missionary, but in developing a life long habit of finding joy in His service. I have 9 more months with His name on my chest and I want to make the very most of them, and then continue to make the most of my life. Because I don't just owe Him 18 months, as I learned this year, I owe Him everything.
This video is to the song, "I'll never be the same" and the words couldn't be more perfect. I cried making this video, because my heart is so full with love for the people in it. Thank you, and if you're not in the video, thank you also, because sometimes the things that mean the most aren't captured by my camera(:
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