Saturday, May 2, 2015

Look Through My Eyes (from Brother Bear)

Whew.  I only have the title of this blog post and I am already crying, so that either means my ideas will come out with power and meaning, or most likely, they will come out as a random emotional mess.  Best of luck as you read this(:

Wow.  I think about where I was a year ago, and for so many reasons, I am glad I am not there.  Because lets just be honest, having heart surgery isn't exactly high on my "top things to do in life to bring fun and excitement list." I don't actually have that list, but if I did, it wouldn't be on it.  Aside from the fact that I'm not really a fan of surgery/hospitals, the biggest reason that I am glad I am not at Duke like I was a year ago is this:



I am here.



Here doesn't mean in a darling little clerks office in a church in Lumberton, although I am incredibly attached to Lumberton.
Here doesn't mean that I get to wear a black name tag, although I REALLY love that.
Here doesn't mean being with an incredible companion in a fabulous district in an amazing ward. (Do you get that I really love Lumberton-because I do)
Here has nothing to with where I am, what I am doing or who I am with.  It simply has to do with the fact that I am moving forward.  Which really is worth celebrating.
Growth and change mean that there must be a Savior who makes all things possible.  Without a Savior who suffered all things for us, we, I, would be eternally stuck.  Unable to move past hard things and mistakes.  But we are not stuck, we are beings who change and grow and learn. One of the biggest things I have learned in the last year is how incredible a deep relationship with Heavenly Father can be.
This week my mind has often gone to "where I was a year ago" and I remembered the moments. Thursday night in preparation for a meeting the next day, Sister Carlile and I adventured up to Hope Mills .  As we drove, we listened to Disney music and this song came on and brought tears to my eyes.  The Spirit often speaks to me through music and this I felt as if this Disney song, from a movie which I don't actually like very much, knew exactly how I felt.  These words represent to my imperfect human mind a little bit of what my Heavenly Father has taught me in the last year.

Here are some of the words that I just love:

There are things in life you learning
And, oh, in time you'll see
It's out there somewhere, it's all waiting
If you keep believing

So don't run, don't hide
It will be alright
You'll see, trust me
I'll be there watching over you

Just take a look through my eyes
There's a better place somewhere out there
Just take a look through my eyes
Everything changes, you'll be amazed what you'll find
There's a better place if you look through my eyes

There will be times on this journey
All you'll see is darkness
But out there somewhere daylight finds you
If you keep believing

All the things that you can change
There's a meaning in everything
And you will find all you need
There's so much to understand

During the last year, my whole life actually, the Lord has been lifting my vision.  He has shown me how much I can do when I rely on Him.  He has shown me the darkness and reminded me of the sources of light He has given me through His Son, Jesus Christ.  He has shown me through incredible amounts of tender mercies that He is involved in my life.  He has reminded me over and over again to stop worrying, take a deep breath and remember that it is His plan, not mine that brings perfect happiness.  He has spoken to my heart and my mind through song, scriptures, other people and feelings to trust Him, because it truly will be all right.  The Savior taught, "I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life."
Yes, sometimes life is hard and unexpected things happen which cause us to walk in the dark, but isn't there so much comfort in knowing that there is a much bigger plan and that what appears to us to be devastating and destructive is actually full of blessings and growth and light?
And while those hard things in life aren't on my imaginary "top things to do in life to bring fun and excitement list." they are on my actual "blessings from my Heavenly Father' list because they are teaching me how to be like Christ.  The tears of sadness and worry I cry aren't nearly as numerous as the drops of blood in the Garden of Gethsemane, the burdens I carry aren't nearly as heavy as His cross, and the pain I experience is no where close to the agony of Crucifixion.  I will never fully know the agony and misery of those events, but one day, and a little bit more everyday, I come to know more perfectly the hope that comes from a Savior who rose from the tomb.   I'm not perfect, but I am trying to be like Jesus, and that is bringing the sweetest blessings and so much hope and light into my life.

I love y'all(:

Here is a link to a wonderful talk about hope and light and trials and all that good stuff(:
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/04/the-hope-of-gods-light?lang=eng#8-10785_000_41uchtdorf
Also, since I am a missionary, I can't link to the song...but I am sure if you google it you could find it.  Google is good like that(:

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